A Beautiful Mess

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Today is a major day.

It didn’t start out that way.

I slept in real late. You can sorta get away with that once in awhile when you live with your parents. After a while they’ll still get on you though, and they aren’t as forgiving as when you were an actual teenager, not just acting like one.

You see, it’s been a rough week and a half. To say the least.

But I finally got out of bed, grabbed a cup of coffee, and got right back into bed to play Jewels with Friends and watch a little Joyce Meyer.

Then during the next 2 hours I spent watching her, my day turned major.

I made two large decisions.

One depressing, one happy.

I am actually going to divorce my husband.

I am going to start a Christian ministry.

Right? Filled to the brim with crazy.

All I can tell you is that in my following posts you’ll get a little better idea about what this is all about.

But I had to make this proclamation. More so to myself, as there’s no way I will be publishing this post to the world today. I’m not  brave enough for that. Why? Mainly because I am one downright ridiculous beautiful mess. And some of you may wonder if I’ve jumped off the deep end.

Which in a sense I have.

I’ve lived my life mainly focused on myself. That left me knocked up and 1200 miles from any friends or family.

I’ve lived my life mainly focused on my kids. That left me feeling like a complete failure and in constant comparison to other {better} mothers.

I’ve lived my life mainly focused on my husband. That left me with a broken heart and a looming divorce.

I am going to live my life mainly focused on Jesus and have hope for the rest of my earthly life. Jump in His deep end, if you will.

I’ve been thinking about starting a ministry for a while. I have never uttered those words to anyone because it sounds so ridiculous.  But this morning I know- God uses those who are least expected. I, my friends, am least expected.

I am getting divorced

I am 40 pounds overweight

I enjoy alcohol {in a mostly healthy manner}

I lied about being sick this morning

I’ve twisted the truth many different ways to different people regarding my marriage

I live with my parents

I still get zits. A lot. 

I have too many days where I don’t feel like a good mother.

Deep down I am extremely lazy.

I’ve never been a member at a church.

My parents make my kids breakfast every morning.

I suffer from depression.

I never call my Grandparents.

My bathroom is disgustingly dirty.

You get the picture. I’m a mess.

But if God can use anyone, he can use me. I am proclaiming His promises for my life. God has whispered to me “it’s time.” The time has come to deal with my issues. To grow in my faith, and bring you all along for the ride.

I am determined to find my joy in the journey in this earthly life, and to spread the love of Jesus to as many hearts as I can reach.


Interested in following me on my journey? The best way to see my posts is following via email {upper right}

{Follow me on Facebook}


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